Love, Loyalty, and Illness: Why Women Are More Likely to Be Abandoned

Marriage vows promise commitment in sickness and in health, but research reveals a harsh truth—women are far more likely to be abandoned when illness strikes.

A marriage ceremony asks that both partners stay with each other in sickness and in health, but research suggests that reality often tells a different story—especially for women.

A recent study from the University of Florence examined 25,000 heterosexual couples over 50 across 27 European countries to analyze how illness affects relationships. The results were striking: when a wife experienced poor health, the couple was 60% more likely to separate than healthy couples. However, when the husband was ill, there was no increased risk of marriage breakdown.

This is echoed across the world: a study in The Cancer Journal found that in the US, couples were six times more likely to split if it was the wife, rather than her husband, who had been diagnosed and undergone treatment. Men were found to be four times more likely to leave in Korea.

Cancer support message boards bear this out with threads like, “How do I break up with my girlfriend who has cancer?”, and, “My wife has been in treatment for cancer for five years. I’m done and want out.”

Why Are Women More Likely to Be Left Behind?

For many women, this study confirms a difficult truth they already suspect: caregiving responsibilities often fall on their shoulders, but when they are the ones in need of care, they may not receive the same level of support. This can be especially devastating for women recovering from serious illnesses like cancer, where emotional and physical support are crucial for healing.

There are a few reasons why this imbalance may exist:

• Traditional Gender Roles: Women are often expected to be caregivers, both for their children and their spouses. When roles are reversed, some men struggle with providing the same level of support.

• Emotional Avoidance: Some men may not know how to handle the emotional weight of their wife’s illness and choose to distance themselves instead.

• Perceived Burden: Women often internalize the fear of being a burden, leading them to suffer in silence rather than ask for the help they need.

What This Means for Women Facing Illness

If you’re a woman navigating illness, whether it’s cancer recovery or another chronic condition, this reality may feel deeply unfair. You deserve to be surrounded by love, care, and understanding. If your relationship is struggling under the weight of your diagnosis, you are not alone.

Here are a few ways to protect your emotional well-being:

• Seek Out a Support Network: Whether it’s friends, family, or a community of other survivors, make sure you have people who genuinely uplift you.

• Set Boundaries: If you’re feeling unsupported in your relationship, it’s okay to ask for what you need and expect reciprocity.

• Prioritize Your Own Healing: Whether or not your partner steps up, focus on your self-care, both emotionally and physically.

• Consider Professional Help: Therapy or coaching can be invaluable in navigating these challenges and rebuilding confidence after illness.

You Deserve Support

If you’ve found yourself facing illness and feeling alone in your relationship, remember this: your worth is not defined by whether someone else stays. You are strong, resilient, and deserving of love and care, no matter what.

If you need support in reclaiming your confidence and navigating life after illness, I’d love to help. Let’s talk about how you can move forward feeling empowered, supported, and in control of your future.